No problem

I was definitely in a weird, gloomy mood towards the end of last semester. School was a drag, I had concerns about the internship, I missed the States incredibly, and I was bummed at the thought of 4 more years of school (one year undergrad, 3 years graduate). Basically I felt everything had stalled.

Being home for a week with plenty of time to think has helped me a lot. One thing that had bothered me was the idea of working my way up the ranks within an architecture firm. The lack of independence and control goes against my nature. But I know there are a lot of things to learn when I start working. Architecture is a field where experience almost matters more than education, and a humble start is something every architect goes through.

Another thing I've realized there is no ideal job. Maybe a rather obvious observation...but throughout my life, I've basically heard two mantras: "Follow your dreams and do what makes you happy" and "Every job will become boring, even if you try to follow your dreams" (guess which one is my dad's favorite saying). But I don't think there is one or the other. I don't believe in the "ideal person" so why do people stress about the "ideal job"? It's just a matter of matching up your interests as much as possible and working through any difficulties.

So I will be going back to Shanghai with more optimism. The assignment I got from the office over break is a little tedious, but it's allowing me to read about a lot of architects I didn't know about. I'm still looking for another job and have plans to volunteer if that falls through. Four more months of (relative) freedom to explore and work on my own projects. I'm pretty lucky.

America, pleased to make your reacquantaince

After a few days of uncomfortable "what the hell am I doing here?", I am so happy to be home. Of course, home is more like "home" since I know I am moving on away from Phoenix soon, but life is great right now.

I'm really looking forward to summer. Hot, dry, and miserable, I don't mind at all. I always love it when the seasons change, even when I want to die in a puddle of sweat. Also, summer this year means an end to the Flagship chapter that has been my life for the past two years and a beginning of a new phase.

Homecoming?...

I've been back in Phoenix for about half a week now, and honestly, I have mixed feelings. On one hand, it is wonderful to be in America. The simple fact that I can see the sun makes me unbelievably happy. On the other hand, it also makes me realize two things: how much I've outgrown Phoenix and how much I take for granted.

As I explained to a friend, going to China was like uprooting myself from Phoenix, transferring to a tiny pot in Nanjing and then moving to a huge pot in Shanghai. In a few months, I'll be coming back to a medium pot in Phoenix, but at this point all I want is to be planted in some stable soil. I've been moving around so much and my ideas about the future have changed as well. I have no desire or motivation to finish my business management degree, because it seems so trivial at this point. But not finishing it really isn't an option either...

As for my second realization, there are so many mundane things here that I'm not used to. I went to Fry's and for half a minute, just looked up and down an entire aisle of jam--different brands, flavors, sizes, prices. I went to Cartel for some coffee and was amazed at how friendly and polite the strangers were. I climbed A mountain and for the first time in 8 months, watched the sun set. My bed is so soft. There are fat people everywhere. I didn't know I would have reverse culture shock.

Despite the rush of uncertainties, it is nice to relax and go back to a normal eating/sleeping schedule. I've been enjoying time with friends and family, as well as eating plenty of Mexican food and cheese products. Today we are having a Chinese New Year's potluck, so it's time to make some dumplings...I'm looking forward to the turkey though, since I missed it for Thanksgiving!

回家

I leave for the airport in half an hour to go back to AZ for a few weeks. Carrie promised me a Filiberto's carne asada burrito with guacamole upon arrival. I'm probably more excited for that than anything else... I also can't wait for unrestricted internet. And a soft bed! My parents don't know I'm visiting (although apparently my dad caught a glimpse of the emails between me and my sisters...they tried to cover it up though.) Seriously, I'm so happy to take a break from China.

I get back to China the morning of March 1st. The office doesn't really care that I'm gone so long, haha. That means I don't either.

Day 1 at Designer and Designing

I went to work today.

Well, I am using the term "work" loosely...more specifically, I sat around for 5 hours on my computer, flipping through magazines and reading stuff online. When I met the chief editor yesterday, she didn't know who I was or what program I am coming from. (hmm Jian laoshi, how are you doing your job?...) She also clearly didn't know what work I should do and just told me to "participate". The other editors don't know what to do with me either, so they cleared a desk for me and told me to continue reading to familiarize myself with their magazine.

They had their workplace Chinese New Year lunch today. Free food that included cold kidneys and papaya steamed with frog ovaries. Surprisingly delicious? The boss passed out 红包 and I got one too, despite not having done any work yet.

But I found out how I got this internship. Turns out one of the old interns, Jessie, was once Jian laoshi's student in Shanghai, and she also did research at the same center an OSU flagship student did last semester. Jessie was the one who got me the position, because obviously the boss had nothing to do with it. And Jian laoshi then tried to sell me on how amazing being assistant editor to the magazine would be...hahaha. The employees today were talking about architectural magazines. Xiao Yu made the analogy of El Croquis being what a graduate student would read--and Designer and Designing what an elementary student would read.

Since there is nothing for me to do, I've set a few goals for myself. Learn how to use Adobe Flash and Dreamweaver. Redo the magazine's website (this may be a little ambitious, but I have 4 months). Start research for my honors thesis. Do a lot of reading on architecture.

Still, I really wish I was doing architecture work, even if it's just drafting, because I know at an architecture firm I would actually be useful and valued. Here I may just end up wasting table space.

Shanghai life

Phase 2 of China: Internship in Shanghai.

Moved to Shanghai on Tuesday. Thanks to Miles and his apartment search, I am living in a studio-ish apartment--basically a 25 sq. meter bedroom with a shared kitchen and bathroom. We are literally next door neighbors. Our complex is just a few minutes walk from the city center and the environment is pretty nice. My flatmates are German, Swiss, Australian, and Chinese, and they seem friendly so far.

I definitely feel like I am living in a big international city. I see foreigners everywhere, places are cleaner, Starbucks every square kilometer. But of course you still have the Chinese 特征: construction everywhere, spit on the ground, jaywalking at every corner. It's a change from Nanjing, which although crowded, was still relatively quiet and "traditional" China. Hopefully these next few months I can find my own niche here and make friends.

Time to think

After a frantic last week in Nanjing where I slept 4 hours a day because I simply didn't have time, I got on the train with my worldly possessions and headed to Qingdao for internship training. Or so I thought....Our days are tightly scheduled, with 3 hour lectures in the morning and 3 hour Peking opera classes in the afternoon. We are putting on a Peking opera show on Sunday...and the justification for this being part of workplace training is "playing and negotiating with roles embedded with assumptions and expectations independent from the actor's preference". Right... I am learning a song and dance but do not see how that'll help me be a better intern. There are other pointless events in disguise. The first night we had a dinner to learn Chinese dinner etiquette and of course, all the non-Mormon guys left drunk. Mark was especially terrible. I got picked up and carried by each of the ASU guys (obviously minus Aaron) at different points during the night, so it was test of patience...

It'd be nice if we had more free time, since the lectures scheduled haven't been very helpful and the opera classes are really pointless. But this is just one more thing on a long, long list of things that flagship has failed to deliver. At least the hotel is really nice and is part of the same building as the flagship office. And there is central heating which is amazing. It's also nice to not have real homework and just be able to sit, watch a movie, read some news, think....

I stayed in the hotel tonight and watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Really enjoyed the story and the actors' performances. I like the idea that you can attracted to someone for some reason and always will be (that doesn't mean I believe in "the one", just that a certain combination of qualities will always make a person attractive). It also makes me recall the events in my life that were once painful but have slowly faded into vague memories that I occasionally still dream about. It also makes me think about the Clementinesque guys I've dated or have been attracted to. But opposites don't always work.

Boys and girls

I had an interesting and slightly frustrating conversation with my dad on skype the other day. I was complaining about the visible misogyny in Chinese culture and education system (women PhD students are called "dinosaurs" for god's sake). He then said that Chinese guys aren't all that bad. Sure...they're great for Chinese girls. So then I started complaining about the Chinese girl 撒娇, petulant, little girl behavior that includes high pitched whining, smacking the boyfriend, and generally acting like a 5 year old in order to seem cute and feminine. This is a common phenomenon that us Americans find incredibly annoying.

Anyway, my dad then said it's "a powerful weapon that females use to get things done." Bullshit. It's used by females who don't know how to get things done like a mature adult. His conservative, slightly misogynistic views bother me so much, especially when he starts getting into a woman's "biological purpose in life" and the whole "a man needs to find a good job; a woman needs to find a good husband". I remember being furious when I heard him first say that. I know my dad is coming from a different cultural background...but sorry, he is wrong.

The views on gender in China are still very traditional, despite it being the modern era. I think I made a lot of guys in my studio nervous, although some opened up and were really friendly. But guys and girls don't hang out together too much. This is another reason why I made so few friends in Nanjing. Most of my close friends are male, but I couldn't connect to either gender in China. I found the girls to be overly cutesy and didn't have many shared interests with them. I found the guys to be uninteresting and uninterested in talking to me.

Freeeee from studio

Final architecture review was this morning and it went infinitely smoother than last time. The teachers really didn't have much to say, but it was overall positive. The dean didn't give me a hard time like last time, thankfully. Still, it's a huge shame that we spend so long preparing materials and are given a total of 15 minutes to present and then discuss our ideas... another reason why grad school in China feels like undergrad in the States. Sigh I kinda feel like I am sleep-deprived, malnourished, and stressed for no reason.









Review may be over, but new wave of stress from papers...on a more positive note, I have an internship. I'll be working as the assistant editor to the Shanghai architecture/interior design magazine 《设计家》or Designer and Designing. According to Jianlaoshi, it's supposed to well-established, covers new design projects, and interviews famous architects. Not sure which famous architects he's talking about... On one hand, it sounds great--at least on paper. However, I won't be developing any architecture-related skills which is kinda why I signed up for this program...I strongly suspect I will be translating articles for the next 5 months for little pay. I guess it's a good chance to learn other workplace skills, and I am really interested in graphic design and print media.

Just made a batch of tea leaf eggs. I'm trying hard to finish food in my fridge, but the condiments may be a problem.

Seriously gotta get at least one good night's sleep.

Priorities

One presentation, two papers, and one architecture review.

FIND INTERNSHIP

Make my way through all of Hayao Miyazaki's films on my hard drive.

Clean and pack. ugh.......




Go home.