I had an interesting and slightly frustrating conversation with my dad on skype the other day. I was complaining about the visible misogyny in Chinese culture and education system (women PhD students are called "dinosaurs" for god's sake). He then said that Chinese guys aren't all that bad. Sure...they're great for Chinese girls. So then I started complaining about the Chinese girl 撒娇, petulant, little girl behavior that includes high pitched whining, smacking the boyfriend, and generally acting like a 5 year old in order to seem cute and feminine. This is a common phenomenon that us Americans find incredibly annoying.
Anyway, my dad then said it's "a powerful weapon that females use to get things done." Bullshit. It's used by females who don't know how to get things done like a mature adult. His conservative, slightly misogynistic views bother me so much, especially when he starts getting into a woman's "biological purpose in life" and the whole "a man needs to find a good job; a woman needs to find a good husband". I remember being furious when I heard him first say that. I know my dad is coming from a different cultural background...but sorry, he is wrong.
The views on gender in China are still very traditional, despite it being the modern era. I think I made a lot of guys in my studio nervous, although some opened up and were really friendly. But guys and girls don't hang out together too much. This is another reason why I made so few friends in Nanjing. Most of my close friends are male, but I couldn't connect to either gender in China. I found the girls to be overly cutesy and didn't have many shared interests with them. I found the guys to be uninteresting and uninterested in talking to me.
About Me
- Doreen
- I'm from Phoenix, Arizona, land of hot weather, bad public transportation, and perpetually blue skies. For this year, I am in China, studying architecture and hoping for epiphanies on what I want to do with my future.
I find that we're oddly similar in many ways, Doreen. This is one of the most frustrating things about Chinese culture. It's this preference towards males, or belief that males are stronger than women (need to protect them) that grinds on my nerves. I guess that's where my somewhat feminist roots come from.
ReplyDeleteFortunately my father has never said anything along those lines to me, or there would be major arguments in my house, but I think growing up, I could always sense the disappointment that I wasn't a boy. However, I think that has only made me stronger, perhaps even overcompensate for all the traits associated with a "boy." I've always believed there's nothing a man can do that a woman can't do (other than the biological functions).
Most of my good friends back at home are guys too, but men in China just don't seem to know how to interact with the opposite sex. And in my honest opinion, most of them are either too pansy or machoistic that I want to give them a piece of my mind. Girls in China, like you said, are too cutesy and were quite frankly shocked by my disinterest in men and my independent behavior. It seems that Chinese culture fails to strike a balance, and simply continues to reinforce gender roles. Sometimes I take great pleasure in rubbing it in their faces that I have broken out of that gender mold, and yes, I am Chinese!
-Melody
Hey Doreen! Just found your blog (sorry, wasn't trying to stalk). Like your posts thus far. I can't agree with you more and am SO glad I'm not the only one to have noticed these things! The whiny, immature girls annoy me to no end. No wonder no one in China can think of older age and beauty as anything but mutually exclusive in females. And I completely agree with you about the perpetuation of the gender roles. I would even add that as harmful as they are for girls, they are now becoming just as harmful for guys. There's this ridiculous pressure for them to provide and to fulfill their "manly" duties, that they should be strong and good family protectants. While I don't approve of a loafing husband, I don't approve of a loafing wife either, and I don't think working or not working outside the home necessarily denotes laziness or failure in either gender. Good luck with everything in China! It's great to hear you're doing so well, and I'm glad you've found an outlet for the frustrations you and all of us unfortunately have to encounter.
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