2010

New Year's in China is extremely lowkey, and I would even say unimportant, as everyone celebrates Chinese New Year. I asked a bunch of people if they have fireworks here, and they all seemed puzzled as to why there would be fireworks on January 1. Because of the lack of excitement (and commercialized holiday spirit), 2010 has definitely crept up on me "like a thief in the night", to quote someone.

For the past 10 years of my life, I've written a January 1 journal entry, looking back at my life during the year and also looking forward into the next year. I see it as a good benchmark, since I find it interesting to see how much I change as a person as I get older.


What stayed the same:

• Architecture. For awhile, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be an architect, but after plunging back into a semester of design studio, I realize even although the hours suck and the pay isn't fantastic, I love the feeling when every piece of a design is finally falling into place.
• Doubts and insecurities. I am freaked out about the future. I'm always impatient to know exactly what will happen next (as anyone who has watched a movie with me will know), and I'm always worried I'll settle into a monochromatic life when I'm older. Even though I know what happens is (mostly) up to me, I still worry.
  
• My character. Still sarcastic, still stubborn.

What has changed:

• Relationships. Ups and down down downs. Grew very close to new people and drifted far apart from old friends.
  
• Location. Obviously. Last year at this time, going to China was still a vague future issue, so sometimes I'm still amazed that I am here and halfway done with the program. I'm kinda tired of the constant moving around during these past 6 months though.
  
• My view of China/Chinese people/myself. Full immersion study abroad has been a tricky mixture of amazing/unpleasant. The longer I stay in China, the less I want to live here. I think I understand the world a little better. I do understand myself better, but so far no revelations about how to live my life.
• My style: My clothing style shifts a bit every year and for some reason it's heading in a slightly artsy, more feminine direction...I am weirded out by that. But I am nowhere close to being an Asian girly hipster, don't worry.
  
• My character. Living alone has made me even more self-reliant and independent. I think I've become tougher, after dealing with some super rough times in China and also with the boys beating up on me all the time. I definitely have better social skills and developed a more outgoing side of me. At the same time, I've become more withdrawn and introverted, probably due to spending a lot of time alone.
  

What will change:

• My plans?... At this point, I don't even want to go to grad school, I'm so burned out, but hanging out and traveling for the rest of my life isn't really an option so... we'll see. I may work after I finish up my undergrad.
• Addiction to coffee. Seriously, only one cup a day allowed from now on.
  
• My character. Be less critical, more proactive, less naive, more open. Also, somehow find energy and focus. These past 1.5 years of Flagship has kinda put my "real life" on hold and I feel like I've just been fooling around, rather than working hard.

Overall, my plans are to keep going. There are a lot of things to do in 2010 (such as internship, graduate, grad school, etc) but I will let future Doreen worry about those.

新年快乐!