It's been a few weeks since school started and I've been having fun living with the boys. H leaves this weekend back to Cali and he was talking about how weird it'd be to start a new phase of life. It reminded me of how I felt during my last week in China, when I could barely stand to think about my imminent displacement. Being uprooted isn't a nice feeling and I think I mostly tried to feel neutral in order to avoid feeling sad.

I miss China and the life I had there. Day to day life was my most important concern...I guess that's what it means to "live in the present".

And now, my present consists of two jobs, long class hours, graduate school plans, and wondering what makes me happy. I'm not unhappy, but the sense of being totally adrift has not gone away.

-

Three years ago I had the most bittersweet summer ever. I remember him telling me he was excited to see what kind of person I'd be in the future. Now three years later, I'm the same age as he was when he died and I have no idea what kind of person I should be.

Growing up is about having different experiences, both good and bad, and learning from them. But it seems like having more experience doesn't necessarily prepare you for the future, especially when it comes to emotions. Painful situations are still painful, even when you have reason and previous experience on your side.

Home is... oh who the hell knows

After returning to Shanghai, I had one week before heading back to Phoenix, and it flew by in such a blur. I honestly wasn't mentally ready to leave. I've come to the opinion that the problem with plane travel is that there'e no "travel" involved--one minute, I'm in an air-conditioned airport in Shanghai, listening to Chinese chatter. A few (well, 11) hours later, I'm in an air-conditioned airport in Vancouver, surrounded by English. Very disorienting.

Overall I am glad to be home, although all those pesky things I've put off thinking about while in China have all leapt up on me. I have mini panic attacks when I do grad school research--there are so many things to think about and consider, like applications, GREs, funding, worry about my own qualifications and/or lack thereof. Then there is the usual parental pressure which makes things even harder. I almost want to just work instead or move to a third world country where no one can trace me. But immediate concerns are finding a place to live (thank goodness I already have two great friends to be roommates with) and finding a job for this year.

In high school, I decided to study architecture only in my last year. I don't remember what it felt like to make that decision against my parents' very strong wishes for me to go into medicine/engineering/something befitting a star Chinese-American pupil. Was I merely rebelliously defiant? Mostly apprehensive? I've completely fallen off the ambitious, self-glorifying track but I'm not sure where to get back on. Join the ranks of Starbucks baristas? They sure seem happy about working there... I don't think I've lowered my standards of success, but rather I just see success differently now.

Sabaidy...

is hello in Lao! Luang Prabang is a small, quaint, laid-back town that's full of Buddhist monks and French baguettes. Even though tourism is growing quickly there, there is still a relaxed atmosphere that is very different from Thailand and Cambodia; no tuk-tuk drivers hassliing you, no bedraggled children tugging on your sleeve pitifully, no vendors constantly calling out "Lady lady, look look!" The two days I spent there were the best part of my trip in every sense.

The town is a UNESCO World Heritage site for its mixed cultural traditions, and the fusion of French and Lao culture produces some amazing things. The National Museum is in the French Beaux Arts style, but is full of Lao motifs. Sandwich carts sell Lao style sandwiches on fresh baguettes. There is such wonderful thing as a banana expresso smoothie. I spent most of my time traveling with Paran, a Sri Lankan Australian guy who was chief navigator (very fortunate for me, I have an atrocious sense for directions) and together we toured the town and had tons of Lao food. I felt like a lot of the food was just like Chinese stir fry, with slightly different flavors, but there are a few unique dishes: laap, which is kinda like cooked ceviche with fresh bean sprouts; Mekong riverweed chips, seasoned with sesame seeds and garlic; fish steamed in a banana leaf with dill; and traditional Lao sticky rice, which is eaten with the hands and magically only sticks to itself but not to you. But seriously, a third of our diet consisted of strong Lao coffee and fresh fruit shakes with condensed milk, both equally addicting.

In the morning we would watch the hundreds of monks walking through the streets collecting alms. After several hours of wat-hopping, we'd take a long, long lunch break and wait the midday heat out at Utopia, a utopic cafe built on a bamboo platform over the Mekong River. At night, after a 10,000 kip ($1.25) all you can eat street food meal, we would go to the night market, which is probably the most laidback market in the world...it seems like vendors really don't care if you buy anything, which makes souvenir shopping actually pleasant. Then back to the hostel to watch the World Cup with an ice cold Beerlao and to chat with the young staff who are trying to improve their English. We also went to see the Kuang Si waterfall park nearby, but most of the time we just relaxed and did nothing...a perfect vacation.

The capital Vientiane is quite boring in comparison, since it's in the awkward stage of not quite a big city, although the international food scene there is amazing. I'm all about eating local food, but I decided to splurge ($5) at a French restaurant and I do not regret it. After an uneventful half day there, I took a 13 hour overnight bus to Bangkok and saw a few more sights, some not worth seeing. Khao San road was awful, full of drunk tourists and annoying vendors. I was too cheap to pay 350 baht for the royal palace, but I really enjoyed Jim Thompson's House Museum. He was an American architect who was in the CIA, fell in love with Thailand while stationed there, revived its silk industry, built an amazing traditional teakwood house, and then one day just disappeared in Malaysia and was never found.

On the bus ride from Luang Prabang to Vientiane, I was reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and I came across the line "Sometimes it's a little better to travel than to arrive". At the time I didn't appreciate the statement; it was an excruciatingly slow 12 hour ride on winding mountain roads with poor AC and broken seats, as well as 30 obnoxious British backpackers. But there really is something addictive about traveling, about following your progress on a map and watching the scenery slowly change outside your window. Already I'm planning my next trip, any suggestions are welcome.

Angkor Wat/another overland border crossing

After three days of Angkor temples, Lee, Lisa and I took a long bus ride to Phnom Penh. They had an old classmate there who is working at an NGO, as seem to be all the expats in Cambodia. Even though it's exciting to get lost in a new city, it's also nice to be with someone who knows the place and what's fun about it. Shannon took us to a nice vegan Khmer restaurant, and we had some amazing curries and stir-fries.

But overall for me, Phnom Penh was a rather depressing trip. I visited the S-21 museum the first afternoon. It used to be a school, but during the Khmer Rouge's deranged regime, it was turned into a prison and interrogation center for intellectuals, monks, children, Vietnamese, and later on even the party's own members. In many ways, I was more touched than when I saw the Nanjing massacre museum--or at the very least, more chilled. Rusty beds and ankle shackles are still in the classrooms. The officials kept meticulous records of all their 20,000 prisoners, and their severe, black and white headshots are on exhibit in mind-numbing rows. I'm by no means superstitious, but when I walked through the hallways of tiny, brick cells, I felt as if there are ghosts there. One point of controversy for the survivors' families is that the remains at Choeung Ek (the killing fields) are either memorialized in a stupa or are still buried---Buddhist traditions call for cremation so that souls may be at rest. The killing fields were also very depressing to visit, but the grassy fields are much less jarring than the prison.

Sadness aside, Phnom Penh was actually a very nice city, despite the massive amounts of construction and car exhaust. I suppose that's the price of modernization. I would have liked to do a cyclo architecture tour and learn more about the French history as well as the New Khmer Architecture movement, but my itinerary was relentless...bus to Pakse, Laos and then plane to Luang Prabang.

___________________

I want to describe the border crossing, since I had some trouble finding information on this online and maybe this can help other travelers. As of this year, VOA for overland crossings is available for the Cambodia-Laos crossing--you do not need to get a visa in Phnom Penh, unless you just want the extra peace of mind. I took a 12 hour bus from Phnom Penh to Pakse with Soray Transport for $26, which seems to be the only transportation option. The first travel place told me there was a 9 hour minibus, but upon further inquiry, it was no longer in service and 9 hours would have been impossible anyway.

The ride was uneventful, up until we got close to the border. The Sorya bus guy told us we would all have to pay $1 on the Cambodian side and $2 on the Laos side for fees--but he would take care of everything for us if we gave him just $1 more. Everyone just ignored him, which was good because it turned out that the border crossing is incredibly easy. Pay $1 for who knows what at the Cambodian side, get some stamps. Walk maybe 30 meters to the Laos side. Pay for your visa and $1 for overtime at the first window. Walk to the next window and pay another $1 overtime fee to get your passport back. All the overtime fees are BS, since there's no way you can possibly get to the border before 4 PM, but it's not worth the arguing to get out of it, because the guards won't budge.

By the time we got to Pakse exactly 12 hours after starting, it was dark and pouring rain. I paid $3 for a tuk-tuk ride to a hostel, and then left the next day for Luang Prabang. Not much to do in Pakse.

Bangkok to Angkor Wat

I got to Bangkok the 17th and stayed 2 days, but honestly I didn't do all that much. I felt like it's a great city if you like shopping, drinking or lady boys, but those aren't exactly my favorite pursuits... The highlight for me was Wat Pho. The day I went, there were hardly any visitors so I just wandered around the maze of courtyards. Eventually I got to the sanctuary with the world's biggest reclining Buddha, a giant, gold-leafed Buddha with a cheeky grin. You can pay 20 baht for a bowl of little coins, which you drop one by one into a row of about 50 pots all along the wall. Throughout the whole temple you can hear the "plink plink" sound of coins.

I got to Cambodia 3 days later and my first impression wasn't great. The border crossing town Poipet is basically a crappy version of Las Vegas, and everywhere people are trying their hardest to scam you. It was really difficult to know who to trust, but thankfully I had met two Italian guys (Marco and Paolo) on the bus over, so we stuck together and managed to get through. We couldn't get out of the 100 baht ""processing fee" though... Also the 34 C weather and 60% humidity made me want to lie down in an ice bath and die. By the time I actually got to Siem Reap (the town right by Angkor Wat), I was hot, cranky, and exhausted.

However, I ended up really enjoying the place. I met up with a flagship friend and his fiance, and we were temple trekking every day. The Angkor temples are beautiful, and even though I've gotten all the names mixed up, I have a lot of photos of intricate stone carvings, weathered stone faces, and jungle trees splitting apart entire stone foundations. Other than the incredible heat, I enjoyed every minute and even gotten used to being constantly sweaty and covered with red dust. The pace of life is very slow, and I miss the midday naps, reading during the afternoon rainstorms and 50 cent banana pancakes at night.

Two weeks of travel

I'm in Bangkok at the moment, but am still recovering from a strenuous 40 km hike up and down Huangshan over the weekend. Tomorrow I head to Siem Reap, Cambodia to see Angkor Wat. I will update with pictures once I get back to Shanghai!

Off to see some architecture!

JIanyeli renovation project

My research paper is on the reconstruction/deconstruction of Shanghai's historic architecture. After several months of research, I've come to see how many issues are involved that go beyond the aesthetics of architecture: economic development, urban planning, politics, social spaces, citizens' rights, city image, etc. Being able to witness all of this firsthand has been extremely valuable.

I cam across an interesting case study of Jianyeli the other day. I pass by this neighborhood--or rather, construction lot walled off with Expo propaganda signs--every day on the way home from work. Like so many other renovation projects in Shanghai, this used to be an old shikumen neighborhood that was way overcrowded...and in a good city location. The residents were relocated and all the buildings knocked down. New buildings are being built that will, according to the giant posters, "restore Shikumen to its natural beauty". Population density will be lower, living conditions will be nicer, people will make money. Very typical story.

But until I read this study, I wasn't aware of how 不合理, or inappropriate, resident relocation can be. I am well aware of the stories of "nail houses", where residents refuse to leave their homes because of inadequate compensation and the developers end up dragging them away and bulldozing their houses down. Still, I was surprised at the underhanded methods the Xuhui district displacement company used to get rid of residents. The company had apparently run out of money for displacement and many stubborn residents were still living in their apartments. So the company hired 200 migrant workers to help get rid of them.

"The population of the lilong then divided into three groups: the recalcitrant residents, the workers carrying out the demolition, and the employees of the hoodlum company. The task of the latter, who earn a good salary—50 yuan a day—was for the time being to make the residents' life impossible by frightening and mistreating them."

The migrant workers were instructed to make noises and disturbances and generally bother the residents as much as possible. Many of the residents ended up moving out, after which the "hoodlum company" began to vandalize, steal and get violent. The district mayor met with the residents to hear their complaints, but did nothing to stop the displacement company.

The end of the story is clear when you see Jianyeli--the neighborhood is gone. Somewhere in the suburbs of Shanghai, there are bitter citizens who have received (some) monetary compensation for their forced relocation, but have undoubtedly lost all faith in their government. I don't know enough about the political environment in Shanghai, but the people's opinion matters only when it suits the government. It's hard to weigh the pros and cons of such land developments, but it's clear that only tangible benefits have value at the present. And for the time being, Chinese people are too afraid (or maybe just apathetic) to change this status quo. While the issue of eminent domain in the States can be incredibly tiring, I find it preferable to the lack of legitimacy that exists in China.

For anyone interested in reading the essay:
http://chinaperspectives.revues.org/document459.html

Expo part 3: Magazine photography

After a full day at the Expo on Friday, I had to go back the next morning for work. The magazine's next issue is on the Expo, so I had to accompany the photographer to take photos of 45 of the pavilions.

Saturday's attendance hit a new record of over 500,000 people. There really wasn't any point in taking pictures, because there were just way too many people. The loudspeakers kept broadcasting wait times for the popular pavilions (4+ hours for Japan and US, 3+ hours for France and Germany, etc...). The European Square was especially insane. Even the wheelchair line for the Korean pavilion stretched around the block. Imagine if you can: several hundred thousand Chinese people, all doing Chinese things. Snacking on KFC, duck hearts or cucumbers; taking victory pose photos; napping on all of the benches; running towards the hybrid buses that are already packed to maximum capacity.

I don't know how the Expo workers do it. Gao laoshi and I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, but I did get to see the Asian and Middle East pavilions, which we didn't do on Friday. We did our best with photos, despite all the people, and now I have a picture of almost every single pavilion...

Some of my favorites (at least the outside, didn't have time to visit the inside). First, the good:

Angola.

South Korea. Their hangul theme was beautifully successful.

UAE. I don't always like Norman Foster, but this one I did.


The bad:
Belarus. This is what you literally get if you give 100 children crayons and told them to draw on a building. Literally.

Pakistan. It's simply a replica of the Lahore Fort. You can't tell here, but the top of the building is a giant Pakistani flag.


And the inexplicable:
Macau. Giant bunny lantern. The architect says it represents childhood memories and Macau's small size but lively spirit. Ok.

Iran. I looked up the English phrase and apparently it's a Persian poem by Saadi. But the English translation...

North Korea. Whoever placed this next to Iran must have a sense of humor...all the other Asian countries are in an entirely different zone.

Expo part 2: All day, everyday...

I have become a huge Expo nerd. I read about it on blogs, follow Expo news, and this whole past week at the magazine office, I've been researching the Asian/Middle Eastern pavilions for our next issue. I know all sorts of random facts about the buildings, architects and about Haibao (the official story is actually a lie, I met a close friend of the designer of the mascot who told me about the original design). I see the event as just a huge branding opportunity for countries, while their talk of "sustainability" and "better life" is mostly just talk. Still, the buildings and designs are why I have spent 20+ hours there already.

My two lovely flagship friends from Nanjing were in town this weekend, so we went to the Expo on Friday. The weather was terrible--grey skies and constant drizzling--but it was perfect for Expo visiting since the crowds weren't too terrible (only 382,100 people!) We were naive enough to think that we could visit the China pavilion...but upon arrival we learned that reservation tickets start at 7 AM and are always out by the time the gates open at 9. We had to be satisfied with taking photos of the enormous red structure from afar.

To avoid the long lines and the inevitable queue rage, we visited not so popular pavilions, like New Zealand, Cambodia, Columbia, and the Caribbean joint pavilions. While none of those were particularly exciting, it was still nice to catch a glimpse of what those countries are about...that is, if you look past the 3D movie hype and ubiquitous claims about sustainability.

We did wait in fairly long lines for Spain, Denmark, and Mexico. We didn't wait at all for Peru, since we told the guard we wanted to eat the restaurant and he just let us right in (expensive food but so delicious). At night, Kamla and Melody went off to see the US pavilion, while Michael and I did France, Switzerland and Australia in record time.

Some photos:
China.

Denmark. The Little Mermaid statue from Copenhagen.

Spain. We waited more than an hour for this one and it was worth it for the giant robot baby that cried bubbles and smiled. Uncanny valley, seriously.

Trash in the French line... trash everywhere.

Switzerland. Michael got us in, because il est Suiss. He couldn't stop laughing at this guy though, because he's apparently so typical Swiss.

Australia. The best Expo movie experience, I highly recommend it.

Japanese corporate pavilion. "Hello, we have Hello Kitty for sale!"

We were so beat by the time we finally got home. And I had to get up early the next day...to go back to the Expo for work.