Time to think

After a frantic last week in Nanjing where I slept 4 hours a day because I simply didn't have time, I got on the train with my worldly possessions and headed to Qingdao for internship training. Or so I thought....Our days are tightly scheduled, with 3 hour lectures in the morning and 3 hour Peking opera classes in the afternoon. We are putting on a Peking opera show on Sunday...and the justification for this being part of workplace training is "playing and negotiating with roles embedded with assumptions and expectations independent from the actor's preference". Right... I am learning a song and dance but do not see how that'll help me be a better intern. There are other pointless events in disguise. The first night we had a dinner to learn Chinese dinner etiquette and of course, all the non-Mormon guys left drunk. Mark was especially terrible. I got picked up and carried by each of the ASU guys (obviously minus Aaron) at different points during the night, so it was test of patience...

It'd be nice if we had more free time, since the lectures scheduled haven't been very helpful and the opera classes are really pointless. But this is just one more thing on a long, long list of things that flagship has failed to deliver. At least the hotel is really nice and is part of the same building as the flagship office. And there is central heating which is amazing. It's also nice to not have real homework and just be able to sit, watch a movie, read some news, think....

I stayed in the hotel tonight and watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Really enjoyed the story and the actors' performances. I like the idea that you can attracted to someone for some reason and always will be (that doesn't mean I believe in "the one", just that a certain combination of qualities will always make a person attractive). It also makes me recall the events in my life that were once painful but have slowly faded into vague memories that I occasionally still dream about. It also makes me think about the Clementinesque guys I've dated or have been attracted to. But opposites don't always work.

Boys and girls

I had an interesting and slightly frustrating conversation with my dad on skype the other day. I was complaining about the visible misogyny in Chinese culture and education system (women PhD students are called "dinosaurs" for god's sake). He then said that Chinese guys aren't all that bad. Sure...they're great for Chinese girls. So then I started complaining about the Chinese girl 撒娇, petulant, little girl behavior that includes high pitched whining, smacking the boyfriend, and generally acting like a 5 year old in order to seem cute and feminine. This is a common phenomenon that us Americans find incredibly annoying.

Anyway, my dad then said it's "a powerful weapon that females use to get things done." Bullshit. It's used by females who don't know how to get things done like a mature adult. His conservative, slightly misogynistic views bother me so much, especially when he starts getting into a woman's "biological purpose in life" and the whole "a man needs to find a good job; a woman needs to find a good husband". I remember being furious when I heard him first say that. I know my dad is coming from a different cultural background...but sorry, he is wrong.

The views on gender in China are still very traditional, despite it being the modern era. I think I made a lot of guys in my studio nervous, although some opened up and were really friendly. But guys and girls don't hang out together too much. This is another reason why I made so few friends in Nanjing. Most of my close friends are male, but I couldn't connect to either gender in China. I found the girls to be overly cutesy and didn't have many shared interests with them. I found the guys to be uninteresting and uninterested in talking to me.

Freeeee from studio

Final architecture review was this morning and it went infinitely smoother than last time. The teachers really didn't have much to say, but it was overall positive. The dean didn't give me a hard time like last time, thankfully. Still, it's a huge shame that we spend so long preparing materials and are given a total of 15 minutes to present and then discuss our ideas... another reason why grad school in China feels like undergrad in the States. Sigh I kinda feel like I am sleep-deprived, malnourished, and stressed for no reason.









Review may be over, but new wave of stress from papers...on a more positive note, I have an internship. I'll be working as the assistant editor to the Shanghai architecture/interior design magazine 《设计家》or Designer and Designing. According to Jianlaoshi, it's supposed to well-established, covers new design projects, and interviews famous architects. Not sure which famous architects he's talking about... On one hand, it sounds great--at least on paper. However, I won't be developing any architecture-related skills which is kinda why I signed up for this program...I strongly suspect I will be translating articles for the next 5 months for little pay. I guess it's a good chance to learn other workplace skills, and I am really interested in graphic design and print media.

Just made a batch of tea leaf eggs. I'm trying hard to finish food in my fridge, but the condiments may be a problem.

Seriously gotta get at least one good night's sleep.

Priorities

One presentation, two papers, and one architecture review.

FIND INTERNSHIP

Make my way through all of Hayao Miyazaki's films on my hard drive.

Clean and pack. ugh.......




Go home.

Two weeks left

After leaving studio tonight, I stopped by the Suguo supermarket to pick up some groceries. Like usual, the store was packed, both with shoppers and workers. Salesgirls in "cute" outfits, yelling at people to try their samples. Clumps of employees in every aisle, gossiping loudly. Tired-looking people, rifling through bins of end-of-season tangerines, staring at shelves of cooking oil, squabbling about which noodles are a better deal. Wondergirls CD blaring overhead. I'm standing in the world's slowest line, insignificant amongst a sea of impatient people.

Andre sometimes jokes around about him dying in his apartment and no one knowing about it or how to find him. I admit, that thought has crossed my mind too. When I go entire weekends without seeing or talking to another human being, in my weak moments, I wonder if this is my future.

I just realized today how soon it'll be before I pack up my bags (now much, much heavier), wrestle them to and from train stations, and settle into a new apartment in a new city with new goals. I never fell in love with Nanjing, so it's gladness/indifference I feel about switching to another city. I did have a lot of fun here with friends though.

But it almost feels like I am running out of time. Within the next two weeks, I have papers, presentations, tests, and final review. Then move out, go to Qingdao, internship training, move to another city.

It's snowing again today.

Asking for directions (or just don't bother)

I headed to the post office to pick up a package today. I knew vaguely where it was, but in the end, I had to ask for directions....ugh. I HATE asking for directions in China, and I know most other foreigners do too. A few typical scenarios of direction-asking:

• Friendly people who tell you exactly how to get to the location of the place you are looking for. (ok I assume this is a scenario, although it has not happened to me yet)
• Disinterested people who point towards a road and say "not far" or give a time estimate.
• Rude people who don't even look at you while barely pointing in a direction. At worst, they don't acknowledge your question and just impatiently shake their hand "no".

Today was a classic example of No. 3:
I walk up to a security guard. "Excuse me, is the post office nearby?"
Not looking at me. "No."
"Well...is it farther down the road?"
A yawn. "No it's not over here."
"...is it back towards the Gulou roundabout?"
A head jerk that could have been in that direction. Or just a tic. "Yeah, it's not over here."
I'm starting to lose my patience. "Which street is it on then?"
"Over there towards the roundabout."
By this point I am thoroughly annoyed at how I've wasted 10 seconds of my life, so I just head in the direction I think it is and find it myself.

This kind of behavior is extremely 普遍. As far as I can tell, the behavior doesn't have to do with the person's age, the region, or whether the asking person is a foreigner or Chinese. The situation can be a shopkeeper lounging on a stool in front of her shop, obviously not busy, obviously a native, and be barely acknowledging a request for directions (and oftentimes any other kinds of questions.) It can be a college student walking in the same direction, who points towards the fork in the road and says unhelpfully "That way."

I can only attribute this to culture, even though I'm not sure what aspects of culture have to do with it. Do Chinese not like to give directions? Traditionally, do they think it's rude to ask strangers questions? Do they not know how to give directions? The best guess I can come up with is the Chinese method of describing location is different than how Americans are accustomed to, and also they simply don't see a need to treat strangers warmly.

In the end, I got my package (I thought it was from my sisters, but it was from Edward, so it was a really nice surprise) and took some nice photos of Gulou park area along the way.

Foray into Indian cuisine

I find cooking to be incredibly therapeutic. Even though I prefer cooking for more people than just for myself, sometimes I like to take the extra time to make something tasty.

I love paneer mutter, with the peas and gingery, tomatoey curry, but it's like 40 kuai at the Himalayan restaurant...so I decided to experiment today. I googled for recipes, and like usual, didn't actually follow any of them and improvised instead. Both the paneer and curry turned out surprisingly beautifully--but I totally scorched the rice and may have damaged my pot beyond repair...Rice and I have a long history of incompatibility.

Everything took me maybe 1.5 hours, including making the paneer earlier during the day. Definitely worth it. There is no reason for me to go back to the Himalayan restaurant now.


Since I had no rice, I just ate it with toast.

Next on my list is to use the can of coconut milk I bought awhile ago but forgot about...Thai curry?

2010

New Year's in China is extremely lowkey, and I would even say unimportant, as everyone celebrates Chinese New Year. I asked a bunch of people if they have fireworks here, and they all seemed puzzled as to why there would be fireworks on January 1. Because of the lack of excitement (and commercialized holiday spirit), 2010 has definitely crept up on me "like a thief in the night", to quote someone.

For the past 10 years of my life, I've written a January 1 journal entry, looking back at my life during the year and also looking forward into the next year. I see it as a good benchmark, since I find it interesting to see how much I change as a person as I get older.


What stayed the same:

• Architecture. For awhile, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be an architect, but after plunging back into a semester of design studio, I realize even although the hours suck and the pay isn't fantastic, I love the feeling when every piece of a design is finally falling into place.
• Doubts and insecurities. I am freaked out about the future. I'm always impatient to know exactly what will happen next (as anyone who has watched a movie with me will know), and I'm always worried I'll settle into a monochromatic life when I'm older. Even though I know what happens is (mostly) up to me, I still worry.
  
• My character. Still sarcastic, still stubborn.

What has changed:

• Relationships. Ups and down down downs. Grew very close to new people and drifted far apart from old friends.
  
• Location. Obviously. Last year at this time, going to China was still a vague future issue, so sometimes I'm still amazed that I am here and halfway done with the program. I'm kinda tired of the constant moving around during these past 6 months though.
  
• My view of China/Chinese people/myself. Full immersion study abroad has been a tricky mixture of amazing/unpleasant. The longer I stay in China, the less I want to live here. I think I understand the world a little better. I do understand myself better, but so far no revelations about how to live my life.
• My style: My clothing style shifts a bit every year and for some reason it's heading in a slightly artsy, more feminine direction...I am weirded out by that. But I am nowhere close to being an Asian girly hipster, don't worry.
  
• My character. Living alone has made me even more self-reliant and independent. I think I've become tougher, after dealing with some super rough times in China and also with the boys beating up on me all the time. I definitely have better social skills and developed a more outgoing side of me. At the same time, I've become more withdrawn and introverted, probably due to spending a lot of time alone.
  

What will change:

• My plans?... At this point, I don't even want to go to grad school, I'm so burned out, but hanging out and traveling for the rest of my life isn't really an option so... we'll see. I may work after I finish up my undergrad.
• Addiction to coffee. Seriously, only one cup a day allowed from now on.
  
• My character. Be less critical, more proactive, less naive, more open. Also, somehow find energy and focus. These past 1.5 years of Flagship has kinda put my "real life" on hold and I feel like I've just been fooling around, rather than working hard.

Overall, my plans are to keep going. There are a lot of things to do in 2010 (such as internship, graduate, grad school, etc) but I will let future Doreen worry about those.

新年快乐!