After returning to Shanghai, I had one week before heading back to Phoenix, and it flew by in such a blur. I honestly wasn't mentally ready to leave. I've come to the opinion that the problem with plane travel is that there'e no "travel" involved--one minute, I'm in an air-conditioned airport in Shanghai, listening to Chinese chatter. A few (well, 11) hours later, I'm in an air-conditioned airport in Vancouver, surrounded by English. Very disorienting.
Overall I am glad to be home, although all those pesky things I've put off thinking about while in China have all leapt up on me. I have mini panic attacks when I do grad school research--there are so many things to think about and consider, like applications, GREs, funding, worry about my own qualifications and/or lack thereof. Then there is the usual parental pressure which makes things even harder. I almost want to just work instead or move to a third world country where no one can trace me. But immediate concerns are finding a place to live (thank goodness I already have two great friends to be roommates with) and finding a job for this year.
In high school, I decided to study architecture only in my last year. I don't remember what it felt like to make that decision against my parents' very strong wishes for me to go into medicine/engineering/something befitting a star Chinese-American pupil. Was I merely rebelliously defiant? Mostly apprehensive? I've completely fallen off the ambitious, self-glorifying track but I'm not sure where to get back on. Join the ranks of Starbucks baristas? They sure seem happy about working there... I don't think I've lowered my standards of success, but rather I just see success differently now.
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The feeling seems to be the same for me since coming home. LSAT prep work has just taken over my life, though all those things I put off for Flagship are likewise just in the background reminding me that I need to get them done ASAP. Parental pressure seems to be a common note in our returns, because my parents have been incessantly pestering me about working on my LSATs, in spite of the fact that I'm already working on them. *sigh* There is no pleasing a Chinese parent.
ReplyDeleteAs for success, it's hard to say. It's fun when you're riding that wave, but when it comes down, boy does it suck. I've been sucker punched so much this year, that I'm just tired of pursuing that giant again. Here's hoping you have a better chance at it than me! :)
hey, one of the reasons why i still like to keep track of you is that you were always one of the asians who didn't sell out, so to speak. it would be tragic if you did
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