Long days

Get up at 7:30, leave at 8:30. Work from 9:30 to 18:00. Get home at 19:00. It’s incredibly tiring, even if I don’t do much at work. The long travel time really takes a lot out of me, and the terrible weather this past week is draining—I think it’s because I spend so much energy shivering at the office.

I’m also getting used to the city. Since I have a few bus options to take to work, I’m learning all the streets, at least between People’s Square and Xujiahui.

I often feel alienated in such a huge city, but it’s not always a bad feeling. Sometimes, it’s almost liberating, to feel like nothing. I was walking home last night from the bus stop and was overcome by a strange sense of solitude. I’m not sure how to describe it, but I felt as if I understood everything around me and was therefore absolutely disconnected from the world. For some reason, I wanted to die... It sounds morbid and depressing yet I was feeling neither. I was a little surprised by my own strong urge for everything to just end, but in that moment, it was almost euphoric. I wanted to just keep walking.

Instead, I went home and had noodles for dinner.